What I thought I'd be doing this week . . .

I had this whole list of things I intended to write about and do this week . . . things we did leading up to Christmas, funny new things that the boys have been doing, photos, etc. I thoroughly expected to still be pregnant. I thought Claire would come January 4 . . . exactly one week past her due date.

But I'm not doing those things. Instead, I'm settling into my role as the mother of three, with all of its blessings and challenges.

I wanted to write about Friday, the 23rd, and how I cooked/baked all day. Trays of lasagna, macaroni and cheese, tons of shredded/cubed chicken for future recipes (thanks to my friends on facebook for the tips on doing that), gingerbread cookies, sugar cookies, cheater cake pops, chocolate mint cookies . . . you could say that I overdid it. Kyle took the boys to the Treehouse that day, but even so, I was hurting and exhausted by the end of the day. I had a few contractions that night that made me think we might be headed to the hospital, but they amounted to nothing.

I wanted to write about how Jack helped me with my baking earlier in the week and told me before he went to bed on Wednesday night saying, "I loved baking with you mom, and I'll never forget this day." And how with that statement, the frustrations of cooking with a 4-year-old were almost totally erased from my memory.

I wanted to write about Ben and how he's picking up on all of the phrases Jack uses, including, but not limited to "That's disgusting," "It's not fair" and "I hate this." And how if we ask him a question he doesn't want to answer he looks and us and says, "shhh!" Make no mistake . . . none of those are appropriate responses, and they almost always come with consequences, but it still cracks me up when I put the news on in the morning and Ben says, "No! News is nisdusting!"

I was going to write about how the intense pain that I'd been having for the last 2 1/2 months had almost completely gone away that week and how it felt like a Christmas miracle. In retrospect, Claire had just dropped far enough down that it eliminated the pain.

My plan for the week was to edit all of the photos I've had building up since October and get those posted. I had hoped to have them all done before I edited the tons of baby pictures I knew I'd take once Claire arrived.

I wanted to finish the word art that I'd started for Claire's room and have it ordered and up in her room before she was born.

I had one last big project for work that I wanted to complete before she came.

I wanted to get all of the Christmas gifts put away and Christmas decorations down. I know this is kind of "bah humbug" of me, but it stresses me out to have Christmas decorations up. For the entire month of December, I feel like I'm kind of in limbo, just waiting for my house to go back to normal. I'm sure that says more about my control issues than it does anything else.

I wanted to get a 40 week picture.

But I don't control these things and Claire's arrival 3 days early was a reminder of that.

Instead, I'll be tackling these things over the next few weeks. I've also been jotting down notes on her birth story because even though it's only been a week since my water broke, memories are fading. And just typing that made me cry if it's any indication as to where I am emotionally right now.

I'm grateful for our friends and family who have made this transition a little easier. I'm incredibly grateful for Kyle, without whom I would be completely unable to cope. I'm grateful for Jack and Ben and how much they love us and their little sister. While they've presented challenges this week, my love for them increases daily, if that's even possible. And I'm grateful for Claire . . . that she's a good sleeper (knock on wood) and that she's changed me more in the last six days that I ever could have imagined. Even though I've already been through this twice before, I had no idea how fast and hard I'd fall for her. It's astonishing to think that God has entrusted us with another little life to take care of . . . I pray every day that He'll make us equal to the task.